Match Summary:

Grand Winner- Meng Wee ($30)

Grand Loser- Sheng Wei ($60 + 1 lose 4)

Best Newcomer- Yang Hao (东风东 自摸门清平湖)

Best Kum- Eric Ang (自摸 4 times in ONE game but what to do, ngeh ngeh don’t want to 胡)

Last Man Standing- Meng Wee (Play 4 consecutive games without break)

Home Team Advantage- Yang Hao (Sat in the same seat for 20 hours)

Best 不要脸- Jeremy (Come my house clear the refrigerator of canned drinks)

Most Tyko- Jeremy(北风北 连庄 with 5台/4台s)

Match Game Reviews to come (if i remember or bother to write).

How to blog, the only thing I’ve been doing for the past month is Mahjong, sleep, Mahjong, eat, Mahjong, shit, Mahjong.. You get the point. Speaking of which, there has been alot of happenings in our local mahjong scene with Dr Pang (PhD PingHu Di) making the headlines almost every week.

Jeremy’s Institute of Mahjong presents “Introduction to Mahjong” course. For affiliates, there is now a special offer. The 9 week course costs $25 per session and 1 session per week (although one may sign up for additional tutorial sessions). Upon enrollment you will begin your 2 day 1 night residential ‘basic mahjong training’ otherwise known as BMT. We will test your endurance level and your ability to stay focused after staying awake for 24 hours in a (very) humid room, hereafter referred to as Jeremy’s Room. Observation sessions are available, but you are restricted to the Dean’s (Principal’s) Bed, otherwise known as DB.

Please go to Jeremy’s blog (link on right) to register.

Here is a small sample of our course’s lecture material.

1. Discard Chicken tile. Too long ago but very funny
2. 2. Warcry on blog before Mahjong session. 31/10/2008 http://shfc-kirra.blogspot.com/
3. 3. Win (no matter how small amount) only go home post poem.  1/10/2008, 26/10/2008, 1/11/2008 http://shfc-kirra.blogspot.com/
4. Lose for 9 consecutive weeks and disappear from the blogging scene.
5. Exclaim: “一毛两毛，你还小孩子啊?” few months ago
6. 有钱是大人，没钱是小孩子. After losing $20 for 9 consecutive weeks. (Refer to #4)
7. When 小相公, 自动补牌. When confronted, clasp the drawn tile between hands and do a praying action, exclaiming the holy mantra: “Please leh, 不要这样 leh…” Multiple kumness occurred.
8. 输钱差点翻桌. Lose already flip table. Multiple kumness occurred.
9. Own hand of 5-5-6-7-8. Someone else has a 刻子 of 9 on the table. 上家 discards 9, and then proceed to 吃 7-8-9. Proceed to exclaim: “哇，这样也可以等到.” Multiple kumness occurred.
10. 叠 the tiles from the ‘draw’ side of the wall, otherwise known as the front. Multiple kumness occurred.
11. Own hand of 1-2-2-3. Player discards 2, proceed to 碰. Thereafter upon drawing the last 2, announce 杠。Waste 2 turns discarding 1, 3 and the 补花 tile which he didn’t want anyway. 15/4/2009
12. After 放炮满贯, push tiles towards centre of table and exclaim: “不要洗牌了.” 21/4/2009
13. Discard all tiles, safe or otherwise during 听牌. When 放炮 an obvious tile, proceed to exclaim: “BO BIAN 我听牌了.” Multiple kumness occurred but 21/4/2009 epic.
14. Obvious tile 红中 still discard and 放炮满贯. 21/4/2009 (Refer to #12)
15. Own hand of 5-6-7-8. 上家 discards 7. Proceed to 吃 6-7-8, and then exclaim: “SONG BO 吃到卡窿.” 23/4/2009
16. Own hand of 2-2-3-4. 上家 discards 3 (best possible tile), proceed to 摸牌 instead of 吃. Chances are, will proceed to carry out the unholy act of discarding 2. Multiple kumness occurred.
17. 下家 吃 his discard tile, which happens to be a 卡窿. Proceed to exclaim: “故意吃卡窿来气我.”Actually 下家 hand is 3-3-4-5 and he throws 4. He thinks that he eats 卡窿 purposely and others do the same which is obviously not (Refer to #14 and #15)
18. Player 桌面包万子。 Exclaim: “我拆牌盯死你.“, then proceed to 放炮 1 tai 平胡底 to that very same player. 28/4/2009
19. Game ending in stalemate in 2 draws, proceed to 杠 a safe tile, then 补杠and discard, resulting in 杠上放炮满贯. Exclaim: “还好我有杠。” 28/4/2009
20. Pay 满贯 ($6.40) when not he 放炮. 4/5/2009
21. Attempt to mentor a higher level player with a hand of 4-5-5-6 to discard 5 first. Golden advice. 4/5/2009
22. 盯下家 8万. Next round happen to draw another 8万, but 硬硬 want to 盯, proceed to spend 2 turns discarding 8万. 4/5/2009
23. Discard 白板 when 下家 wants to 吃 the 2万 he just discarded, resulting in 小相公. (Sole intent is to not let 下家 吃) 4/5/2009
24. Pay 满贯 when someone 胡门清一台. 11/5/2009
25. Aim for 平胡底 regardless of starting hand. Multiple kumness occurred.
26. Any readily formed 顺子 or 刻子 from opening hand will be left one side to be untouched for the rest of the game. Multiple kumness occurred.
27. Own hand of 2-3-3-4. Proceed to 硬硬 discard 3, regardless of whether next tile drawn is 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5. Multiple kumness occurred.
28. Own hand of 2-3-4-5. Proceed to 硬硬 discard 2 or 5, regardless of whether next tile drawn is 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 or 6. Multiple kumness occurred.
29. Own hand of 2-3-4-5-6 only 听 1/4 or 4/7. Can never 听三边, 1/4/7. Multiple kumness occurred.
30. 桌上 2-2-2. Draw the last 2, and discards it, while saying it’s a 生张. Multiple kumness occurred.
31. Score 平胡底 but act as though scored the limit. Multiple kumness occurred.
32. 小相公 already reveal hand to everyone, totally oblivious to the idea of playing for draw. Multiple kumness occurred.
33. Think that every round of Mahjong must win, cannot aim draw. Multiple kumness occurred.
34. People dunno fake how many 4tai to 5tai yet pay full amount. Multiple kumness occurred.
35. Throw away 杠. Multiple kumness occurred.
36. Own hand 2-3-4-9-9-2-2. Only listen 2, 9 yet can tyco win. Multiple kumness occurred.
37. Own hand 1-1-2-3. 上家 throw 4 he go eat, and spent the next 2 turns discarding 1. 19/5/2009
38. Own hand is in a mess like 1-2-5-9. Suppose to be waiting for 3 as best possible tile while throwing other useless tiles first but immediately threw 1 away without considering. 19/5/2009
39. Listening to 6筒only (easy to remember, impossible to miss) to 胡四台 but when someone threw, was dreaming and let it passed. 19/5/2009
40. Already 听牌 7万 with 5-6-7筒, 6-8万. Draw 5筒; keep for some unknown reason and discards 8万. Next turn draws 7万 and dulaned. 19/5/2009
41. People do a very obvious fake 咬到 but he fell for it. 19/5/2009
42. Said that once in a while kum also quite happy de. Actually is everyday kum. 19/5/2009
43. Change 1 more tile to听牌hand got 233, 上家 throw 1 never eat. 19/5/2009
44. When he 咬到 will say it with an accent yao daoo~
45. When he 自摸 will say it with an accent zi moooo~
46. Skipped other people’s turn and proceed to his own turn 28/5/2009
47. 听牌 with 2-3-4-5桶,draw 4桶go throw 5桶 change tile, when he already 碰1桶and have two 4桶in his hand. Another 1桶in discard pile. 28/5/2009
48. When he loses extra 80cents ask for discount. When others lose extra 80cents ask for discount he kpkb. Multiple kumness occurred
49. Own hand 8-8-8-8-7-6 keep insisting to杠 8 when hand is 清一色 that kind of good hand. 28/5/2009
50. Eat from上家 liao go draw tile again become 大相公. Multiple kumness occurred
51. Pong liao go draw tile again become 大相公. Multiple kumness occurred
52. 杠 liao never draw tile become小相公. Multiple kumness occurred
53. 补花liao never draw tile become小相公. Multiple kumness occurred
54. 杠go draw tile from in front. Multiple kumness occurred
55. 补花 go draw tile from in front. Multiple kumness occurred

Of course one can never miss out on the School Song, sang to the tune of Jolin Tsai’s 看我72变

看我七十二 Kum

…Verse 1…

又放炮

头上开始冒烟        (空气开始冒烟)
静静看俊培的脸     （朦胧中完美的脸）
du lan 的出现       （慢慢地出现）
再见大牌们 再见
我要做平胡底
人定可以胜天
自摸近在眼前

听牌..

放炮..

BO BIAN…

还钱！

…Chorus 1…

kum gong极限          （美丽极限）
他的kum没有终点      （爱漂亮没有终点）
追求平胡的境界         （追求完美的境界）
他不kum gong天诛地灭 （人不爱美天诛地灭）
别气馁
学费再多交一点         (旧观念抛到一边)
现在就开始改变
拆牌也能放炮满贯!       (麻雀也能飞上青天)

…Verse 2…
无所谓
管他卡不卡窿       (管它缺不缺陷)
让kumness再高一点 (让鼻子再高一点)
还好我有杠          (空气才新鲜)
再见大牌们再见      (再见单眼皮再见)
两台再小一点        (腰围再小一点)
努力战胜一切
三边听成两边!       (缺点变成焦点)

包万..

怕死..

拆牌..

放炮!!

…Chorus 2…
kum gong极限          （美丽极限）
他的kum没有终点      （爱漂亮没有终点）
追求平胡的境界         （追求完美的境界）
他不kum gong天诛地灭 （人不爱美天诛地灭）
别气馁
学费再多交一点         (旧观念抛到一边)
现在就开始改变
拆牌也能放炮满贯!       (麻雀也能飞上青天)

…Verse 3…

什么东风南风西风         (什么正面侧面对面)
只是我要丢的废牌         (只是完美弧线暗线)
那个卡窿再摸一下         (那个腰围再小一点)
把它ngeh ngeh做成平胡！ (把你缺点变成优点)

再见面
要你们傻了眼
无所谓红中白板            (无所谓正面侧面)
都是放炮满贯              (都是完美弧线)
再见my money再见        (再见丑小鸭再见)
欠钱留给改天              (自卑留给昨天)
人人要打麻将              (女大要十八变)
看我七十二kum!           (看我七十二变)

Register Today!

Call 93855923 to register (Mr Lim).

Terms And Conditions Apply. No money back guarantee.

Confirmed: Jetremy, Dr. Pang, Shengwei, Me

Unconfirmed: Elic, Mengwee

What:

kbox

Where:

Kallang Leisure Park, because it’s the newest.

When:

May 12th, Tuesday. Afternoon session.

Why:

No reason. Unless you prefer Mahjong Therapy Sessions.

Seriously, recession or not, people have the right the charge money for whatever they want. It doesn’t mean that during a recession you will automatically be entitled to free stuff all over the streets. As for stomper Agnes, she did the fucking stupid thing by even agreeing the purchase the water which she deemed “expensive”.

It wasn’t a bad encounter at all, unlike what stomper Agnes mentioned. She was a customer, they charged her 50c for a glass of water, she (fucking) AGREED to buy it, and still dared to ASK FOR FREE REFILLs. I am starting to wonder who was the one who had the bad encounter.

Demanding customers who walk in and start thinking that everything should be free. Sure you may argue that MacDonalds give ice water for free, THEN WHY THE FUCK DON’T YOU GO TO MACDONALDS. “If other people can do it, they should too” would be your legion of retards’ answer. Well, many people are jumping off buildings and robbing banks, why don’t YOU do it too?

Why should you be shocked that there is no refill? Who do you think you are to demand free refills? What kind of theory is this? let me tell you what it is. It’s called business. You don’t like it, fuck off elsewhere, dipshit. Nobody took a gun and forced you to buy the water, you AGREED to buy it, and even demanded free refills. Did you see signboards stating free refills for any drinks? Just because water is cheap doesn’t entitle you to free refills. Why don’t you go to KBOX and ask them why are their drinks so fucking expensive ‘amidst global recession crisis’?

Service charge is not for giving out water. It’s for putting up with your shit and cleaning up after you. You are probably one of those who leave behind a big mess on the table when you leave, given the childish mentality that you have.

I quote “Guess this will be our last time visiting OldTown White Coffee at ECP.”, GOOD RIDDANCE, I say. This sentences definitely cheered the staff up, having one less moron to deal with. Cheapskates like you should not be dining in these places.

Go fuck yourself.

笑柄s of the (yester)day LOL. 杠上放炮 still say 还好我有杠。。 And it happened just after he said “我拆牌诸你牌”。

Equation 1: 杠上＋（拆牌＋诸牌） = 放炮

Sometimes (actually most of the time but for benefit of doubt, i use “sometimes”), when he 放炮, he say “没有办法，我听牌了。” Actually there is always a 办法, its call 拆牌。 This equation will lead to the 3rd one, i will show you how later on.

Equation 2: 平胡底小王子 听牌 > Your 胡牌

As stated above, sometimes if you know people going to 胡 big big, no point u 硬硬 go and pia with them. Jeremy or Meng Wee (debatable) 名言：”有时侯你的 一台 赢不过别人的 五台，不要硬硬去跟他拼”.

Equation 3: 平胡底小王子 一台 > Your 五台

Sometimes let someone else 胡 一台 also better than let another person 胡 五台, even if it means you 听牌. Because you already know that another person can 胡 一台, just let him win and faster reduce potential risk of losing 五台 than 硬硬 go and 拼 with other people. How you know he won’t 自摸 before you, or someone won’t 放炮 to him? Faster cut your risks of losing more then win back next round. Retreat one step then next time can advance 100 steps.

Mahjong is not just about winning, is about how to reduce losses as well.

original image taken from explosm.net

Contributions from Jeremy:

Man in Black

Ping Hu Di 小王子

not related to above, but still lol

some of the more interesting stuff

• 正花 猫 花上自摸 红中 对对胡
• jeremy 听 清老头对对胡 i 自摸 1 台
• meng wee 暗 小三元 waiting for 白板 to do 大三元 对对胡 i 自摸 1 台
• steven kum gong 碰 4筒 then self draw 4筒 and throw it away

1. jeremy just discard 1筒 7筒 then steven say 4筒 ‘安全’
2. he making 对对胡 say 杠 no use.
3. we all stun then he still don’t realise it until we say
4. say liao dun admit mistake
5. admit liao dont learn, because..

• steven got (all 筒） 222(碰） 1,3(he go reveal cos he thought no use liao cannot get last 2筒) and the rest all hidden.

1. he self draw 2筒
2. he go 杠 the 2筒
3. then spend 2 rounds throwing 1 and 3
4. while we all stun and jeremy try to teach him how to play
5. steven say got no 台
6. jeremy keep kpkb because 清一色 is not 台 LOL

• steven day dream got 花 never 补牌

1. 小相公 then he immediately stretch hand want to self 补
2. everyone say not newbie no chance
3. steven dulan cannot 胡 then say wan to 盯死 jeremy
4. steven 盯 as good as never 盯 because in the end someone still 胡

• jeremy stole 2 handfuls of salt sachets from macdonalds
• steven praying to tiles (either that or 自言自语)
• jeremy TREAT sundae at macdonalds, which is a surprise because

1. he usually damn stingy
2. he never treat anyone before

Can’t think of anymore interesting happenings, except that jeremy kept making racist comments.

It’s a crime to smile at work.

You better have this face when you are working.

Once again, the stupidity of the middle aged aunties (generally 90% of these idiots are female) never fails to amuse me.

Imagine Ronald statue at Mac having Adolf Hitler’s face. Try bringing your children there.

So if we smile, we get complains, if we keep a strict face, we also get complains. What the fuck do you oxymorons want?

In their heads there is no such thing as “preparation” because everything is “instant”. No wonder singaporean men marry foreign brides, because the only thing local women can cook are instant meals. And you can’t even smile at work, or be happy because you enjoy what you are doing.

Peasant-aunties who think they are Queens. PUI!

And then proceeded to 补牌…

10 + A = 11 points

It’s like i got a 天胡 and i discard one tile and declare 听牌..

How amazing.